I raised over $7500 for MS
A month ago I ran the 119th Boston Marathon with Marathon Strides Against MS Boston Marathon Team. Not only was I honored to make my dream come true along side 53 team members who raised money for the same cause, but I was asked to be the only team member to speak at our pre race pasta dinner. Living in Denver, CO, my only connection with everyone until this point was our Team Facebook Group. Being able to introduce myself while sharing my passion and purpose for the pursuit of these particular 26.2…. with everyone all at once, was the icing on the cake.
SO…I thought to share my speech with all of you, too. Here goes:
“I can’t believe this weekend is finally here. If you’re anything like me, you booked your flight in December and told the Customer Service lady that it was taking you to run the Boston Marathon. I’ve pretty much told anyone that would listen to me since the day I found I was on the team. You see, I have Boston Roots. I was born in Framingham 37 years ago. My Dad raised me to be a die-hard Pats & Red Sox Fan. My Mom raised me to be a die-hard Lobster & Clam Chowda fan. My Grandma didn’t call me Carlyn, she called me CAH-LYN. Boston is in my Blood and I love being in this city! This is one of the reasons I stalked David for weeks before he officially told me I was accepted to run with all of you. Being here, and especially being asked to speak tonight, truly is a dream come true. I’m honored to share my story of WHY this particular marathon, for this particular cause was a must on my To Do list in life.
Can anyone remember when running 6 miles scared the hell out of you? I can. It was my training run for my first half marathon, 5 years ago. Standing before you now, I can honestly say that I don’t just like to run, I love it. However, running the Boston Marathon never crossed my mind until the tragic events of April 15, 2013. A voice from within spoke to me and I knew I had to run–for Boston. I also knew there was no way on earth I could qualify. It just so happens that I met Phil Yastrow, a former runner with this team, who told me he got in by running for MS. What? You mean I can fundraise for my cause AND run the Boston Marathon? This had my name written all over it.
The decisions I’ve made over the years led me to this moment. I believe every day we have the choice to look at life from a positive or negative perspective. We have the power to allow tragedy to create purpose and take action rather than waiting for life to happen. I know I am here with all of you because I have chosen to walk (or in our case, run) a life paved by optimism and opportunity.
To start, it was October 1997. I couldn’t feel the water hitting my arm in the shower. Then my entire left side fell asleep. Within a day my torso was numb, followed by the loss of vision in my right eye. I was an invincible 19-year old sophomore at Indiana University until I was given my diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis. MS, what the heck was MS? Thankfully, I was told to look up the National MS Society. I read that MS was different for everyone, that the symptoms varied and there were treatment options. Yes, I was scared. But I was comforted by the love and support from all my friends and family. However, any scared thoughts soon vanished when 2 of my best friends died 10 months apart in separate car accidents. The first was one month after my diagnosis. I share this as part of my story because accepting their deaths was much harder than accepting my MS. Rather than feel that life was unfair, I felt fortunate to be alive. I wanted to experience all that I could for myself and their spirits, too. Shortly after their passing I had my first of many AH HA moments and declared a Mantra I still say today: I will plant my feet all over this planet as long as I can.
Me with my Mom & her Boyfriend after I gave my speech.
After graduation, I moved to Dallas, TX. I was 23 when I happened upon a Lunch & Learn presented to my company by the Director of the local MS 150, now called Bike MS. I walked up to the Director and said, I have MS. It was the first time I’d shared it with anyone that understood what that meant. Though I didn’t own a bike and I was anything but a runner, I decided to step out of my comfort zone and join a local friends & family team. The Society asked if I would appear on the local news to promote the bike ride. My Dad flew out to crew, my friends made signs to cheer me on and I met other people like me. Most people I met with it were much older than me yet often I had an earlier diagnosis! So I made up the joke that I’d had MS longer than I’d been legally able to drink. I’d never been an adult without it. But jokes aside, I liked this new sharing role. I liked fundraising and I liked making a difference. I loved this experience so much I did it again the following year.
Fast Forward to 2004. I followed my dream of living on the beach and moved myself to San Diego, CA. Soon after, I called the Society to get involved. Upon hearing my name, they immediately asked if I was related to the Chapter President, Allan Shaw. I laughed confused because I was not related to THAT Alan Shaw, but I was related to an Alan Shaw, my Dad! Coincidence? I think not. I had an instant family! This family turned out to be incredibly helpful when at age 26, I had my next exacerbation. I woke up and couldn’t get out of bed. My left leg was paralyzed. This would last for a week. I couldn’t drive because I couldn’t feel my clutch, but I was able to take my wiggle of a walk to the gym and use the recumbent bike, lifting my left leg onto the pedal, making sure to stay active with my right. And after a couple weeks my body was back to normal but I was forever changed. This is where I would adopt my next Mantra: Move it or Lose it.
In 2006 I signed, by myself, and walked in my 1st 3 Day, 50 Mile MS Challenge Walk in San Diego. At this point, my Dad had previously walked in 5 Carolina Challenge Walks so he was the inspiration for me. It was my turn to show that someone with MS could walk for others with MS. The following year I convinced another girlfriend my age with MS to join me. My 3rd year she & I formed Team OptiMiStic, with the M and the S capitalized, and recruited 5 others. I gave my first MS speech at that candlelight dinner. The drug company, Acorda, also selected me and my team for a documentary about the challenge walk. Each year I looked forward to seeing my extended MS family while creating awareness and assisting others living with MS. It felt like my purpose. MS was literally paving a path of amazing people and experiences in my life. Upon feeling this silver lining with all of my being, I declared my next Mantra: Set Backs are Stepping Stones in Disguise.
By the time I walked my 4th Challenge walk, I’d become a bit of a runner. Then, one afternoon in late 2009, at the beach, some friends challenged me to join them for a half marathon the beginning of 2010. After a several beers my arm was twisted. Little did I know that would be one of the best, life-changing decisions I’d ever make. By the end of 2010, I’d run 3 half marathons. Yup, I’d been bitten by the Run Bug, hard. And each race I planted my feet somewhere new. Each time a little faster. I had MS but MS did not have me.
Fast Forward to 2011. After being let go from my job in San Diego, I created a 6-week cross country road trip filled with 15 cities, lots of friends and now lots of runs and landed myself on the beach of Wilmington, NC! I also started my blog Strangers To Friends. I couldn’t help but reflect on all the serendipity in the form of friendships, especially with people I met because of my MS. Without fear, I followed my intuition, allowing one closed door to be the opening of another. Within the next year I appeared on The Anderson Cooper Show to speak about my MS, and ran 3 more half marathons, including the NYC Half. The day I ran my 6th, I got the tattoo Love (a heart) Life (it’s actually my Mom’s handwriting) on the back of my neck, base of my brainstem, top of my spinal cord, where I knew my lesion to be. I thanked my body for each step it had allowed me to take and every experience MS had motivated me to accomplish. I still get excited when a runner behind me notices it and asks me about it. I like to think it’s my bumper sticker 😉
This brings me to 2012. I heard one more whisper, to bid farewell to the beach and take on the mountains, which brought me to where I am now, living in Denver, CO. Within 3 months I ran half marathon #8 and signed up for The Portland Marathon. My friends followed along on FB, watched how Iâ€™d not allowed the label or disease to hold me back and called me an inspiration. Ha, but after that marathon I swore on everything in me that I would never, ever run another one again. Famous last words, right?
The following year, 2013, was really tough. I broke my 5th metatarsal on my right foot. 4 months later I was in a horrible bike accident that launched me face first into the street, shattered my 2 front teeth and caused my back and neck muscles to tighten up so badly that it took another 5 months before I could run. Being forced to be still from freak accidents that had nothing to do with MS was almost more challenging than when it happened because of MS! While healing my foot without surgery, I was forced me to rely on my left leg, the one paralyzed years before, which to me was a silver lining. So, 9 months post foot break, I drove to Moab, UT for my first time and PR’d my 9th Half Marathon. To date, this is one of my proudest moments because I had to mentally and physically over come a lot to make it happen.
And here I am today, in the best shape of my life, ready to make my dream come true and take on 26.2 miles with all of you. My journey with MS seems to run parallel with my journey of running. Think back to the moment you decided to commit to the 2015 Boston Marathon to run with our team. You knew you were giving up sleeping in on Saturdays for long runs, but could any of us have predicted ALL THE SNOW? I salute your commitment because you made my Colorado Winter look like a walk in the park! But just like our commitment to accepting MS and doing something about it, we put one food in front of the other. We can’t predict the storms ahead, but we can choose to power through life, like we power through 18 miles on a 15 degree day. By saying yes to this marathon, I said yes to so much more. I made the choice to take on training for the past 4 months and to raise money for my cause. None of us can control what happens in life, but we can control how we respond to it. And I couldn’t ask for a more epic way to use my MS to motivate me that to run a marathon with all of you. So on behalf of everyone with MS, thank you for your choice to be here, so that we can run as a team and do all we do to help those with MS.
Flashback 5 years ago:Â I was taking the MS Medication, Tysabri, a monthly IV Infusion.Â The idea of a 10 K scared me. The dream of running the Boston Marathon to support those with MS did not exist.
5 years later: I am MS Medication Free. I’ve officially run 9 Half Marathons & 1 Full Marathon. My dream of running the Boston Marathon to support those with MS is coming true!!!
What I remember: I was 19 years old. My right eye vision was extremely blurry. I couldn’t feel anything on my left leg. I couldn’t open a soda (who am I kidding, it was beer) can with my left hand. I’d never heard of MS. I couldn’t find anyone like me. A nurse came to my house in college & taught me how to give myself a shot into a grapefruit (seriously!) But… I also remember not being scared. I mean it!
I remember being confused. I remember going to the National Multiple Sclerosis website (because in 1997, there wasn’t another option, at best, a yahoo chat group!). I remember reading that this wasn’t a death sentence. I remember the unconditional support from family & friends. I remember knowing there was only a chance I might endure a lifetime of complications. I remember choosing to see the glass half full. The 50% chance I would always be able to walk was my only focus. I remember telling myself I would plant my feet all over our planet as long as I possiblly could (a mantra I still carry with me to this day)
Fast Forward 17 years later:
After making the choice to stop taking my MS Medicaion in 2010, I made the choice to join a half marathon training group. It seemed like a good idea to me… and as they say, the rest is history.Â I love to run, walk, hike, practice yoga, swim, dance, bike, climb, jump… anything that keeps me moving, for I am grateful every single time I can. And, what better way to experience life besides hands on… or rather, feet on? (ok, bad attempt to be funny) 🙂
Why I chose to run the BOSTON MARATHON:
1) To me, this race is IT! The BIG TIME! The first woman to EVER run a marathon ran Boston in 1967. Plus, I was born in Boston & love my Boston roots. (Shout out to clam chowder, the Red Sox & Cape Cod!)
2) Knowing this race annually raises $10 Million for charities, the mil-second those bombs went off, I knew I had to run, I just wasn’t sure how I would get in.
3) Raising money for MS makes me happy. I don’t run/walk/hike to show that I have MS and I can do it. Well, maybe to a degree because it might give someone hope. But truthfully, I love being connected to my cause. The people I meet. Helping others. I don’t know how not to support.
4) What touches me the most and why I will always continue to raise money for MS in the form of movement: I RUN FOR THOSE THAT CAN’T. Once upon a time, I was told there was a chance I might not run or walk in my future. That future is my NOW. Not a day goes by I don’t consider myself fortunate. My story is my own. People with MS are like snowflakes, all unique in every way. What works for me might not work for another and what works for another could do harm for me. It’s a tricky disease. But I have lived the most incredible life along side it. I am proud to represent a group of people that all share the same goal. We all want to stop MS. We want to assist those living with it to live as best they can.
CLICK HERE TO DONATE to the National MS Society & My Run
I’m HONORED to be selected to join 45 other inspirational runners to participate in the 2015 Boston Marathon on Team Marathon Strides Against MS & run 26.2 (very hard) miles of passion. I invited all of you (to come to Boston) and cheer on all the runners & share in the amazing energy I can’t wait to experience for myself!
I’ll do my part to make a difference in the lives of those living with MS…. and by supporting me, you will make your mark in this pursuit, too.
From the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU.
****My GoFUNDMe Campaign**** Additionally, I’m raising money towards the cost of this trip.Â Please click here to help towards my out of pocket expenses.
There are countless ways, every day, we have an opportunity to do something we feel called to do, having no clue of how far that act will carry on into the life of someone else. This story begins with the blog I wrote in May 2014, “Top 5 Lessons Learned from Losing my Two Front Teeth” written with hopes to shine some light (and laughter) on the loss of my two front teeth. Since I referenced Brene Brown and her book, “The Gift of Imperfection” in my story, I tweeted it to Brene, fingers crossed she would read it. Not only did she praise me for my strength but she graciously re-tweeted to it all her followers! As a result, a number of people around the world found my story and reached out to thank me for my vulnerability. Talk about a “Gift” coming from my “Imperfection”. As I always say, people tend to show up as Silver Linings in our life. The story below was written by Kim Haller, (@xperiencelife22), a 43 year old Denver Resident who is one of Brene’s twitter followers that connected with my toothless smile.
“Just a over two months ago I was scrolling through my Twitter feed and came across a post from well-known speaker and author Brene Brown with a link to a blog entitled “Lessons Learned From Losing My Two Front Teeth.” I was immediately intrigued as I myself lost my two front teeth to a softball injury in the late 1990’s. I clicked the link expecting mostly an interesting read – it turned into something much more meaningful. After reading the story twice, I was struck at how Carlyn turned a traumatic injury and healing process into something positive and fun! Since my injury, I’ve felt embarrassed- like I was abnormal and have tried to hide the fact that I wear a partial. Carlyn’s story touched something deep in my heart…perhaps it was time for me to have a change in attitude as well. After all, my missing teeth are a part of me, part of who I am. Just for kicks, I opened Carlyn’s Twitter profile and was amazed to see she lives in Denver! I mean, really – what are the odds?!? I sent her a message and shared that I was also missing my teeth. She immediately suggested we meet and take a picture of our toothless smiles. In a total out of character response I said, “I’m game!” We made plans to meet the night before she got her permanent bridge, the last night she would eat with her teeth out.
I’ve been wearing a partial for 17 years. The dental work is very expensive and I’ve lacked motivation to make it a priority. Only now I realize that I held a deep belief that I wasn’t beautiful before I lost my teeth, so why bother to get them fixed. On the day before we met, I took a toothless selfie and sent it to Carlyn. Her response – “OMG UR AMAZING – & Beautiful!” and that part blew my mind. I’ve been journeying towards accepting that I am beautiful – her response was like the final flip of the switch, I actually began to believe it and to accept it in my own heart.
Not a risk taker by nature, meeting Carlyn in person was very much out of my comfort zone. However, my anxieties were put to rest as she greeted me with her big smile and hug. After just a few minutes she no longer felt like a stranger. Her vivacious spirit and love for life are contagious! She suggested grabbing $1 tacos around the corner, which gave us time to get to know each other and eat good food, her’s with her teeth out. As we were getting ready to leave, I did something I’d never done on purpose in public – I removed my partial (my temporary two front teeth)! We took a beautiful picture both toothless and with teeth in!
I left that evening feeling inspired, accepted, encouraged and filled in my spirit.
Anais Nin said: â€œEach friend represents a world in us, a world not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.â€
Carlyn is no longer a stranger, but a friend. A friend brought into my life by the space in between my two eye teeth 🙂 Her arrival in my life has indeed helped open a new part of my world. Weâ€™ve only known one another a couple months, but I know we will continue to be less stranger and more friend…
Thank you, Carlyn for the courage to share your story. It has inspired in me the courage to share mine.
There is a lot to learn from this story. First, I learned that by gifting the world with my story, I received the gift of amazing friendship (s) in return. What if I had allowed FEAR to hold me back from writing my blog? Would we have met? Another beautiful reminder is that we connect with people for a purpose & it is always on time. I had no idea the transformation process Kim had begun only months before our meeting and I’m honored to be a part of her journey. Finally, just like the act of living true to myself pushed me into the lives of those that were meant to read my story, the same can be said for the small act of encouraging another and how it can (gently) push them outside their perceived limitations to take on challenges they never thought possible. I thank Kim for surprising me with this beautiful- and vulnerable story. However, I am even more proud that through this experience, she is realizing that only her mind holds her back her from being the version of herself she wishes to be. Telling ourselves we “can’t” is a sure way to feel unworthy and keep us from accomplishing a goal. So… I was amazed when Kim, someone who is a tad shy and working hard to shed some weight, decided to sign up for my HIKE MS event, a hike up Keystone Mountain (over 10K ft in elevation) to raise money for Multiple Sclerosis, a cause close to my heart due to a personal diagnosis 16 years ago. There were a couple hikes to choose from and Kim chose to do the 2 miler route believing this was all she could handle. But through the encouragement of me and my awesome team mates, not only did she conquer the 6 mile route, she did it all by herself, never giving up on what she knew, deep down, she could achieve, no matter how long it took her, no matter how hard it seemed!
Cheers to the Silver Lining of a Toothless Smile!
“For it is in giving that we receive.â€ â€• St. Francis of Assisi
I love helping others. I especially love helping others without them asking for it. It fills me with joy to take the initiative and choose to make a difference. Whether I surprise someone with a smile, or simply give because it feels like the human thing to do, many times my soul feels called to be a part of a change that another person wishes to create. Sometimes I make an $18 donation to a bike ride or race, sometimes it’s reaching out to offer support because I feel when an individual need extra TLC. For others, it means spreading their word of a mission or passion while even better, connecting them together with a friend working towards the same end result. It’s all about intention and my intention is always: LOVE.
This brings me to an email I received this morning from my friend, Russ Bates. Russ & I met in 2009 at the MS 50 Mile Challenge Walk in San Diego, CA. This 3 day event raises money and awareness for Multiple Sclerosis. MS is near and dear to me due to my own diagnosis in 1998 and for all the incredible friends I’ve made over the years (my strangers to friends, my silver lining) that either themselves live with it or fight to help on behalf of a loved one. Russ was a member of the Crew Team. He assisted setting up the course, delivering luggage, water, all the behind the scene work that made the weekend possible. You see, Russ’s wife, Nancy, was diagnosed with Primary Progressive MS in 1994 and passed away in April, 2006. He participated in 8 Challenge Walks to support her. Nancy went from a lively young woman to being bed ridden, but never lost her strong will and positive attitude. She never let MS get the best of her. Every year she rocked her smile and cheered on the walkers along the route. It was knowing their story, his love & commitment to the cause, even after her death, that called my spirit to support him.
For the past 3 years we have been in touch via Facebook. He constantly cheers on my crazy endeavors and I check in to see how he is doing. You see, Russ has had major health issues for the past few years. I can’t make him strong and healthy but I can try to make him smile. A few weeks ago, after reading a link he posted on his page, I realized I could possibly help Russ a little more than I had in the past. Here is his own version, his story, that he sent to me as a THANK YOU Today. I’m honored to share with you…
My friend, Russ Bates
Strangers into friendsâ€¦
“When you first meet someone you never know how they are going to affect your life. Such was my initial introduction to Carlyn Shaw. We knew of each other from a previous event in which we had both participated, but were officially introduced at an organizational meeting for San Diegoâ€™s Annual 50 Mile Challenge Walk for MS in 2009. I was smitten with her effervescent positive attitude toward life, even in the face of having a potentially debilitating disease from which (as for now) has no definite cure. That years walk turned out to be very special for me as it turned out to be my last, after 8 years of participation. Carlynâ€™s enthusiasm for life was on display all that weekend as her team of walkers provided humor, fun and friendship for everyone. Later that year I moved away from CA and lost touch with Carlyn.
We reconnected on Facebook in 2011 as she was traveling across the country, on what I jokingly called her â€œStranger into Friends, USA tourâ€. We have not seen each other since our walk days, but we do maintain communication on FB to this day. Her various posts are always uplifting and positive, even as she deals with her own daily trials.
Over the last 3 years my health has had several major downturns (a stroke & 2 heart attacks) yet Carlyn has continued to post messages on FB that lift me up and always make me feel better about myself and my situation. After my most recent heart attack this past month (June), I realized how lucky I was to still be alive. Immediately I felt the need to go see my family (my Mom and Sisters in CA and my Daughter in Seattle). I had a fear that I may never get another chance to see them.
Being extremely broke and with no extra cash in sight in order to make the trip, I turned to a site on the Internet (GoFundMe) designed to help people raise money for any need they might have. I shared my story on FB and almost immediately Carlyn popped up and said she would forward my story and request to her friends. She literally did so and within 12 hours I had already raised more than half of my goal ($800) through responses from her good friends, most of which are the result of her Strangers into Friends efforts. I donâ€™t know how to repay her other than to say THANK YOU and continue to spread the good word about her efforts to spread friendship and love throughout the world. She is a great friend and someone that I am truly blessed to have met.”
An enlightened perspective from Jeff Maziarek in â€œSpirituality Simplifiedâ€
â€œRemember that every cause you initiate leads to an effect. So, when you give from the heart, you set energy into motion that must in turn find its way back to you in some form. I say in some form, because there is no telling how or when the effect may show up.”
Choosing to share his page with others made complete sense at the time of sending.
1) I suggested $10, a small amount but when added up makes a big difference. Plus, who doesn’t love the awesome feeling we instantly receive knowing we helped someone in need (I know I sure do!)
2) Money is tight for me right now. I knew that alone I could not fund his trip. The idea literally popped into my head that I had a chance to REALLY make a difference if I shared his story rather than simply donate $20. And, usually I simply donate. But good thing I listened to my intuition… because it was right! My awesome friends/family together donated $510– FAR MORE THAN I EVER IMAGINED! – for their own reasons, Portia, Rabiah and My Mom, Susie, chose to carry the torch and keep the ripple in motion. I love them so much for their selflessness. I can’t begin to describe the pride I felt in their contribution, knowing they were touched by his story and my effort to support him. AND…I’m thrilled to say not only did he accomplish his goal but his flights are booked and he will leave from Kansas to see his family very soon.
The point of this post is to highlight that GIVING = RECEIVING. Not only will Russ visit his family… but now his family receiving in the hugs they will share. Not only did my sharing of his letter come from a place of hope & love… but the end results surpassed my expectations! Not only did it make me happy inside just knowing I extended a little extra help to him… but receiving this email, validating my simple effort even that much more, well friends, THAT is the greatest gift of all. LOVE & FRIENDSHIP. And… WOW, what a PERFECT display of Strangers Turned Friends helping each other. Like I always say, we are ALL connected… somehow, someway. 🙂
Today I challenge you to think how your giving is being received. How will YOU create a ripple effect? I’ve shown that it doesn’t take money to make a difference. Sometimes it’s a matter of stepping up when you feel called to do so. Not being afraid to stand out for someone else. If your intention is to spread love & light, I promise you, that love & light will be received. Sometimes from strangers meant to be friends.
Namaste Friends, the light in me bows to the light in you. 🙂
Whether it be a broken heart, being let go from a job, the death of a loved one… or something as unimaginable like…losing your two front teeth, life constantly supplies us with situations where we are forced to make a choice on how to respond to an unwanted and unplanned circumstance. We go through stages, our mind can’t resist chatting with our ego, our emotions and our overall attitude. For me, I typically start with the WHY ME, followed by the WHAT COULD I HAVE DONE DIFFERENTLY and eventually embracing the… WHAT NEXT. Embracing what life has thrown my way IS my way of life. I’ve talked about my MS Diagnosis, the death of best friends, job changes, etc, but THIS accident, hit a whole new level.
5 Lessons Learned… from Losing my Teeth.
5) Freak Accidents Happen. Â I think back to the day. Could I have done anything differently? Did I have any warning signs? No. I casually hopped on my bike to head to the Denver Broncos Football Game. Only 3 miles away, the beautiful October afternoon provided the perfect backdrop for what was to be… a happy day. You see, life had been really tough the weeks prior and I was very excited about a Sunday Funday. Only, my bike had a different agenda. First, it started to make a loud annoying noise. Within minutes, my frame and front wheel locked, catapulting me over my handlebars in airplane pose (Yogis – you know this visual), causing me to face plant the pavement at 10 MPH, hitting so hard that my glasses land 15 yards away, followed by my legs coming over my back (Scorpion-ing – Snowboarders – you know this visual) so that when I finally stopped, I was looking straight up, feet pointing in the direction I was biking. I had no idea what had happened. Completely panicked having witnessed my fall, my boyfriend rushed to me, fearing the worst, that I broke my neck. Luckily, I was in so much shock I couldn’t feel the pain as I sat up to attempt to talk to him. Â Unluckily, I felt a huge hole between my completely shredded lips and then felt my shattered lost teeth embedded into the roof of my mouth. As I slowly laid back on the street, surrendering both my mind and my body to what was happening, all I could do was stare into the cloudless blue sky… then reality sunk in. I heard the ambulance sirens. Was I going to be OK? Why, why of all days did this happen to me? I knew I wasn’t making it to the football game. I had eaten a light lunch, saving room for stadium food. There would be no nachos for me that day. In fact, not for a while. As they say, “it is what it is”. Accidents Happen.
within 10 days, my face healed fast
4) Love Heals With a brace secured around my neck, laying in the ER for the results of my brain and spine scans, the last thing I thought to do was “check myself in” on Facebook, announcing my arrival to the hospital. However, being very concerned and believing in the power of positive thoughts and prayer, my Mom’s reaction was different; she posted a picture on Facebook of the two of us smiling, sharing the news of my accident and questionable condition with our friends and family. At first, I was very angry. My blood pressure soared. My privacy felt violated. I didn’t want to draw attention to my injuries. Or make people worry and feel obligated to reach out. But, almost instantly, my phone was blowing up! Calls from concerned friends around the country wishing me well. Text messages sending me support. FB posts, some from people I didn’t know, letting me know that I was beautiful no matter what. Friends, some I hadn’t heard from in years, reminding me of my strength and perseverance, having no doubt I would overcome this new obstacle. I was overwhelmed with the response, the love I could feel being shared with me by way of words, flowers, cards, homemade soup — even a letter from the Tooth Fairy with $2 included! It took a few days for the silver lining to sink in, but no longer was I angry with my Mom’s post… in fact, I appreciated it. Letting people know I was in need of extra TLC resulted in an outpouring of love I’m convinced helped me heal. Within the first few days, with so many friends wanting updates on my condition, I decided to step out of my comfort zone one step further. I went “public” with photos of myself, some pretty graphic with a broken nose and busted up face. I wanted everyone to know their LOVE was working- Â my face seemed to be healing, Â much faster than I expected. The days I felt so bad I didn’t want to look at myself in the mirror, my loved ones reminded me that no one could steal my smile, it came from my inside out. They checked in on me so I never felt alone in the process of discovering my new normal, without teeth. The love I’ve been gifted over the past 7 months has been nothing short of medicine for my soul. I firmly believe my body healed faster from the outpouring of awesomeness I generously received from my friends and family.
‘Tis the Season… to Smile!
3) SMILE… Even if you Don’t Have Teeth My accident happened two weeks before Halloween. While laying in the ER, my initial response was to start listing the various costume ideas to take advantage of my new smile. A Hockey Player? A Jack-O-Lantern? A Hillbilly? Even the idea of a Meth Head came up in conversation! I thought all of these were brilliant; until the idea of wearing a Christmas Onesie and going as “All I Want For Christmas is my Two Front Teeth” popped into my mind. I couldn’t wait to dress up. I put my hair in pig tails and rocked my Boston Red Sox slippers. And the best part: people believed I had makeup on my teeth- never thinking I’d actually lost them! I LOVED their reaction to the realization that I… had no teeth. Of course, I was limited on my candy consumption, stealing all the Reece’s Cups from the bowl. Having such a blast embracing my toothless grin on Halloween, I decided to ’tis the season and take my smile one step further. I invited a friend to go to the Mall to visit Santa and have some Christmas fun! Again, I wore my hair in pig tails, eager to ask him for my “two front teeth”. I don’t know what made me laugh more, sitting on Santa’s lap for the first time (I’m Jewish) or seeing the reaction of all the parents (many my age) in line with their little ones. From day one, my attitude has been to make the most of my crooked smile. No way was the loss of two teeth going to get the best of me… if anything, it has forced me to stop sweating the small stuff, bringing out the best in me, by way of my silly smile.
2) Don’t Assume Anything About Anyone. The day after my accident was by far the worst. I’ll never forget the first time I looked in the mirror, my face so swollen I literally didn’t recognize myself. Â With a broken nose, lips destroyed from the street and a face sore with scabs, I began to sob, a hard cry, that came from a scared place in my soul. My flowing tears had to create their own pathway down my scratched up cheeks. Would I ever look like my old self? I felt defeated. SO, what did I do? I picked my head up as high as I could and insisted on going to the grocery store to pick out the soup I would need to eat through a straw for the next few weeks. Arm in arm with my boyfriend (who I convinced to support my crazy decision to go out in public) I quickly realized I should have worn a T-Shirt with an arrow pointing to him that said “I Swear He Didn’t Do It”. We got glances. I got stares. For the first time I felt what it was like to be someone that didn’t choose my looks but appeared ugly and deformed, someone that people talked about. I stepped into the role of what it might feel like to want to hide your face. And, it felt awful. I’ll say that there were other people upfront with me, asking me what happened. For these folks I was more than happy to ease their curiosity. I’d rather someone know the truth than assume anything. Over the next few months, I got more comfortable with my new normal and announcing the loss of my teeth took a back seat to just… being me. For example, after my face had healed, I was in a personal essay writing class for 8 weeks, sharing stories, building friendships. To celebrate our final class, we all went out for food and drinks. This was the first time I’d taken out my teeth. To see their reaction, the “Oh my god, I would never have known” when I popped my teeth out, was the same I got from most who were surprised by my party trick. Of course they didn’t know, why would someone think a pretty girl with a bright smile would be toothless? Many, if not most, of us, have gone through something in life that has changed us, making us who we are today. We often don’t wear our uniqueness on our sleeve. Fortunately, I have not taken anyone’s assumptions, or lack of, personally. If anything, I’ve been happy to create the awareness that what you see isn’t always what you get. That saying “Don’t Judge a Book by Its Cover” couldn’t be more true. Be mindful that everyone is fighting their own battles, whether you can see them or not.
1) Smile Flippers are Flipping Awesome I can’t eat with my fake teeth. Drinking a wine or coffee tastes different with a plastic retainer in, too. Every day, I take my teeth out in public. And, the surprise reaction of a 36 year old gal missing her two front teeth, well, to me, is priceless. I’ve heard from many friends and strangers to friends I’ve met since loosing my teeth. Majority applaud my attitude, saying if it were them, they wouldn’t want anyone to know. They’d be embarrassed and to look different. This wasn’t something I chose. This was something that happened. And it was up to me how to handle it. I could never imagine hiding my smile… it is something I am proud to wear every single day! Brene Brown is famous for saying, “Vulnerability is the New Black” and I couldn’t agree more. Owning our path while choosing confidence and optimism is much more sexy and appealing than attaching to shame, guilt or embarrassment. It takes more energy to intentionally hide my smile than flash my tooth hole for the world to see. If I want to chew gum, I’m gonna pop my teeth out! If I want to eat hot wings, even if it means getting a little messy, I’m gonna pop my teeth out. If I conformed to society and adopted the idea that because I looked different, somehow I was not as worthy of enjoying these things, then I would be living against all I believe in, for everyone on the planet. Make peace with your situation. It could be worse. Feel grateful you are alive with a smile to share. Life is too short to hide your shine.
Smile… even if you don’t have teeth.
In addition to what I learned from within, I also gained knowledge on a process completely foreign to me before my accident. Replacing teeth is ridiculously expensive (an entirely different blog post of how unfair it is that teeth are considered cosmetic) and I’m beyond grateful for the support from my Mom. And, it’s a long process to get permanent implants… up to A YEAR! I’m 7 months into my recovery. In 2 weeks my Dentist from https://dentistinperth.com.au/ will replace my smile flipper with a bridge, glued in to reshape my gum line. 3 months from then, the bridge will be replaced with my porcelain implants and I’ll only be required to visit with my Oral Surgeon for friendly follow ups. As crazy as it sounds, I’m actually going to miss “Rocking Out with me Teeth Out” aka, feeling proud of my One-of-a-Kind smile. It’s created a unique awareness of the food I eat. I brush my teeth… and my retainer. I fall asleep with my teeth out and put them back when I wake in the morning. I’m completely comfortable with my new normal and anyone that knows me will agree that I’ve had fun with my loss. Missing teeth is a catalyst for all kinds of conversations. It’s helped me befriending a toothless homeless vet, a gal at a sandwich shop in Boston who also wore a “smile flipper” and of course, the countless waitstaff that I’ve surprised with my spaced smile when they return to fill my water glass. I even scored a free dessert from my lack of chompers! But, the people that presented themselves on my path that I will inevitably remember and appreciate most, are my Dentist and Oral Surgeon, my favorite Strangers To Friends of this experience, true Silver Linings. Both of them showed up serendipitously, amazing men who have made a painful experience, as painless as possible.
My question to you is, what are YOUR two front teeth? What have you been forced to accept?? How has your perceived setback actually been a stepping stone? What have you learned about yourself? Of others? Any fears overcome? My intention for writing this is to bring awareness to our choices, our attitude option and our ability to find the good in the bad, whether in the moment or months later. I encourage you to please share this post with anyone that needs help embracing their own “setback” in hopes my story inspires them to want smile from their inside out, too.
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